The Great Chili Cookoff

I am lucky enough to work at my office that hosts an annual chili cookoff, in which I have competed the past two years. I will admit, the first time I heard of this cookoff, I knew I was a guranteed gold medalist. I am not delusional enough to think I am a world-class chef, but I get rave reviews for my "famous chili" and I receive constant requests for the recipe and I was confident that this would be a cake-walk (cornbread-walk?).

So I came to my first chili cookoff with Melissa's Not-Quite Vegetarian Chili, my tried and true palate-pleaser that balanced heat with depth of flavor, and had enough meat to keep it hearty, but was packed full of conscience-pleasing vegetables. And to clinch the deal, I advertised the fact that my chili included everyone's favorite "secret" ingredient: beer. Homebrewed beer, no less!

Of course, I lost. I think I came in 5th place out of 12 contestents. The typical response as a taster approached my crockpot was "ooooh, beer... eeew, is that squash?." My chili ego was crushed.

Year two, I was far less cocky and far more strategic. Weeks before the event, I started my testing. I made a big vat of basic beef chili, no frills, nothing interesting or terrifying, and then split it into 6 separate test batches, with various additions and twists. I then invited my in-laws over and they were given a feedback card, and samples of each of the 6 test batches. Feedback was mixed, but between the four of us we came up with a simple, straightforward chili that we were confident would be a crowd-pleaser. My clincher this time was to bring accoutrements for the tasters to add at their own discretion: sour cream and shredded monterey jack cheddar.

Of course, I lost again. This time, I came in 3rd place, but I am fairly sure that my weeks of campaigning ahead of time is really the only reason for my upward progress. My chili ego suffered again.

This year's chili cookoff is quickly approaching, and I am determined to win. I have been honing my originial recipe over the past year, keeping avid notes when I make an especially tasty batch. My strategy this year is three fold: (1) ratchet up the heat (2) limit the veggies to only those traditionally in chili (3) bring back beef as the main star of the show. I'll keep the beer and the accoutrements and perhaps email Obama for campaign tips (keep an eye out for my new book, The Audacity of Beef) to use in the coming weeks.

Of course, I'm sure I'll lose.